The Todster's Last Call (Part 2 of "Hot Toddy Is On The Ball

[Gorshin Romero]

Hi Everybody,

here is Part Two of "Hot Toddy Is On The Ball" which you can all still read here on the Forum. As always, I welcome any and all constructive comments (positive or negative). Picture Steve Buscemi as special guest villain The Todster, a.k.a. "Hot Toddy"

Part 2
“The Todster’s Last Call”

Scenes from Part One titled “Hot Toddy Is On The Ball” are shown as the announcer speaks.

Announcer (V.O.)
We have already seen:
The Todster and his bouncers rob a classy restaurant
Student loan debts leading to a life of crime.
Racker’s Island—under assault.
A hangover without the fun of earning it.
The lovely Rackettes---kidnapped!
Their loyal customers to the rescue!
Batman and Robin battle the bouncers on New Year’s Eve.
A sand trap!
Hold on to your party favors, something is about to drop!
Batspin to the opening credits.

Scene 1. Exterior of the sand volleyball pit where a large net full of rocks is suspended over the hole where the Caped Crusaders are trapped.

Robin
Holy rock pile, Batman! What are we gonna’ do?

Batman
Patience is a virtue, Old Chum. Let us not lose sight of that fact.

Robin
But Batman, the rope is burning through.

Batman
Stay where you are, Robin. I don’t believe that we’re in any immediate danger.

The STEEL NET full of rocks falls as the rope burns apart, but the hole that our heroes are trapped in is not wide enough for the entire net full of rocks to fall into, so it falls harmlessly over the hole opening, covering it up completely and plunging them into complete and utter darkness.

Robin
Batman! What just happened?

Batman takes out his BAT FLASHLIGHT from his utility belt and illuminates the area.

Batman
Apparently the evil bartending genius sent his bouncers to dig this hole rather than doing it himself; bartenders are notorious for not wanting to get their hands dirty---good hygiene habits are important to them. However, had he checked their handiwork as any good construction supervisor would do, he would have noticed that the circumference of the hole as opposed to the radius of the hole opening was not wide enough to permit that steel net full of rocks to fit into the hole’s opening. After we were initially trapped in here, I immediately looked up and calculated the radius and the circumference of the hole opening and compared it to the width and diameter of the net full of rocks. Knowing that we were in no danger, I felt it would be best to allow our nemeses to escape, thinking that they had finished us off.

Robin
Holy Theorem of Pythagoras, Batman! You saved us!

Batman
One more reason to pay attention in geometry class, Old Chum: It may save your life one day. That said, it’s time we start digging our way out of this sand trap.

Batspin. Scene 2. Interior of the Top Hat Restaurant. Patrons are enjoying New Year’s Eve celebrations. Among them are Aunt Harriet and Alfred the faithful Butler.

Aunt Harriet
Oh Alfred, I’m sorry Bruce and Dick couldn’t be here tonight. I wonder where they are.

Alfred
Madame, I believe that Master Bruce and Master Dick had an appointment to celebrate New Year’s Eve at Racker’s Island Bar and Grill

Aunt Harriet
Oh, that’s where all of those nice young coeds go to work their way through school. Well I think it’s nice of the boys to go there and help those girls with big tips so they can help pay their way through college.

Alfred
Madame, you have no idea how helpful the two of them were to those girls tonight.

The Todster and his bouncers arrive with Sherry. They approach the SINGERS and the BAND and immediately spray them with the HANGOVER GAS, incapacitating all of them. As the music dies down, the crowd starts ad libbing with disapproval. The Todster grabs the microphone.

Hot Toddy
Happy New Year Everybody! I am The Todster, but only my friends can call me “Hot Toddy” and just like last year at this place, I am here with my bouncers to rob all of you, so please deposit all of your jewelry, cash, credit cards, and any other valuables into the sacks that Sherry and my Bouncers will be coming around with. Don’t be shy! We’ll take it all!

Aunt Harriet
This is an outrage! Where is that extra security that was promised this year?

Several disheveled and drunken security guards rise to the occasion.

Lead Security Guard
Here we are; jusht what can we d—d-do fer you, young lady?

Aunt Harriet
Arrest that hooligan! He’s taken over the band and his gang is robbing us blind!

Lead Security Guard
Let’sch go men…I think we have a job to do.

They approach the Todster.

Hot Toddy
Hello Gentlemen, remember me?

Lead Security Guard
Uuhh, yeah!. Yer that nice fella’ that kept making us drinksh to help ush celebr—cele—ring in the new year! How’ ya doin’, pal?

Hot Toddy
I’ve never been better…Pal. In fact while most people here should address me as the Todster, evil bartending genius, you can call me: Hot Toddy!

Lead Security Guard
Okay, hey, why do they call you the Todster?

Hot Toddy
Because my name is Tod Sterr.

Lead Security Guard
Oh, that makesh sense. So..Why do they call you Hot Toddy?

Sherry approaches with the bag full of loot, a big grin on her face.

Sherry
Because he’s hot!
The Lead Security Guard looks at her then back at the Todster and grins drunkenly.

Lead Security Guard
Oh…well in that case, let the celebration continue.

Hot Toddy
That’s a wonderful idea. In fact, why don’t you and your posse go back to the bar and tell the barmaid to give you each your own bottle of champagne? It’s on me.

The drunken security guards smile, overcome with emotion.

Lead Security Guard
I love you, Man!

The Bouncers approach the Todster with all of their ill-gotten loot.

J.D.
We got it all, boss! Quite a haul!

V.O.
Yeah, this is much better than Christmas! All I got were lumps of coal in my stocking!

PBR
Hey Boss, I ain’t used to classy joints like this. Can we do this again without waiting for another year to pass?

Aunt Harriet
This is ridiculous! If Batman and Robin were here, you hooligans would get what’s coming to you!

Hot Toddy
Well I have a feeling that the dynamic dimwits are rather---preoccupied right now, getting stoned for the New Year.

The Todster and his gang laugh raucously; Alfred gets a worried look on his face.

Sherry
Let’s blow this joint, Hot Toddy! I wanna’ go and have some fun!

As Sherry says her line, all of the security guard obnoxiously blow NOISEMAKERS.

Lead Security Guard
Happy NEW YEAR HOT TODDY! He’s my pal.

Batspin. Scene 3. The next day. Interior of the bat cave. Alfred is there along with the Dynamic Duo.

Alfred
You have no idea how concerned I was when that vile mixologist showed up at the Top Hat last night.

Batman
My apologies for alarming you, Alfred. However I appreciate the fact that you were protecting Aunt Harriet.

Alfred
I regret to say, that there wasn’t much that I could do, Sir. We were, after all, outnumbered.

Batman
Cooperation with criminals is unfortunately necessary when dealing with such situations. You did the best you could.

Robin
Batman’s right, Alfred. Considering all the injuries that normally occur on New Year’s Eve, it’s always best to play it safe in any given situation.

Alfred
So true, Master Robin, but if I may ask: what do you intend to do now?

Batman
As it stands, the Todster thinks that he has disposed of us. Unless he makes a special trip back to the Racker’s Island sandpit, I don’t think he’ll have any way of finding out otherwise. Thankfully the morning paper has revealed that all of the Rackettes were safely released now that the Todster has the ransom money. Perhaps it would be best for us to lay low for awhile and allow that villain to continue thinking that he has permanently gotten rid of us

Robin
But…won’t that put other restaurants in danger, Batman?

Batman
Unfortunately, Old Chum, that’s just a chance that we’ll have to take. Until the Todster strikes again, we have to allow him to think that we’re no threat to him in order to bring him out into the open. For the time being, we must let everyone believe that we’re buried beneath Racker’s Island.

Batspin. Scene 4. The Todster’s Hideout in the tall building at the abandoned restaurant.

Sherry
That was the best New Year’s Eve, EVER!

PBR
I got so much more successful now that I became friends with you, Hot Toddy!

V.O.
We’ll all be able to retire soon.

Hot Toddy
Retire? No, not yet, my friends. Not while Gotham City still has plenty of restaurants to knock over.

J.D.
But boss, when can we retire? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying this and all, but let’s face it. Our luck can’t hold out forever.


Hot Toddy
Are you kidding? With Batman and Robin out of the way, nothing can stop us! All of Gotham City’s fine dining establishments will recognize that I, the Todster, evil bartending genius, am a force to be reckoned with! We’ll have all of their money in our pockets before we retire from a life of crime!

Sherry
Golly Hot Toddikens! I love it when you talk greedy! But maybe J.D. is right. I mean, even with Batman and Robin out of the way, we can’t always be lucky, can we?

Hot Toddy
A-HAAA! Sherry, not only do you underestimate me, but you also gave me a brilliant idea! I know the next upscale restaurant that we’re going to knock over!

Sherry
Where’s that?

Hot Toddy
Lucky B’s Family Fun Food!

PBR
Lucky B’s? Forgive me, Boss, but isn’t that like a kiddy place or something? I mean, isn’t that the place that has the cute bumble bee mascot serving pizza to kids at their birthday parties?

Hot Toddy
It is.

Sherry
Come on, Hot Toddikens, are you saying we’re gonna’ hangout with a bunch of bratty kids?

Hot Toddy
A bunch of rich, bratty kids! Lucky B’s caters to expensive tastes. In fact, even their skee-ball and automated claw games give out trips to amusement parks expensive electronic toys, and college scholarships! All the rich, obnoxious parents that want to spoil their kids and showoff how much money they’re willing to waste on their children’s parties make a special point of going there. Well folks, now we’re going to make a special point of going there ourselves. In fact I recall reading in the society column recently that rich divorcee Muffy Aynesworth, is planning a “Just Because” party for her son Binky, to rival the most recent party that her ex-husband threw for Binky on his birthday. In an effort to make the boy’s father look cheap, she’s throwing an all-out soiree for Binky at Lucky B’s. I think it’s time for Binky to learn the ways of the world…Just Because!

Batspin. Scene 5. Exterior. Daytime. The façade of Lucky B’s Family Fun Food Restaurant. A sign with a cute bumble bee mascot greets patrons at the door. Several expensive cars pull up as they drop off children and parents at the restaurant.

Scene 6. Interior of Lucky B’s. The restaurant portion is separate from the arcade portion. A party of children ages 10 to 13 is going on. The children are actually dressed to look like adults out for a formal evening. BINKY is 13 years old and wears a formal tuxedo and a silly cardboard party hat. Boys and girls surround him, and his mother Muffy dotes on him. MUFFY AYNESWORTH stands over her son who is seated at the table with his friends. A society reporter and photographer from the Gotham Gazette are there as well.

Reporter
I must say, Ms. Aynesworth, you certainly do know how to throw a Just Because party.

Muffy
Expect nothing less from me. You there, photographer! Get a picture of me with my son. Binky?

Binky
Yes, Muffy?

Muffy
Now Binky, we don’t refer to mother by her birth name in public.

Binky
Oh, all right…mother. What can I do for you?

Muffy
These nice people from the society column would like to get a photo of you and me together, with some of your friends.

Binky
Very well, Muff---excuse me, mother---but make it quick. I must mingle among my homies.

Muffy
Well, you heard him. Make it snappy.

The photographer takes several snapshots of Muffy, Binky, and the other attendees at the party.

Photographer
I got some great pics here! Thanks, Binky!

Binky
That’s Master Aynesworth to you, shutterbug.

Muffy
Don’t upset my boy!

Photographer
Sorry Mrs. Aynesworth---

Muffy
That’s MS. Aynesworth!

Binky
Mother, why isn’t my caviar and chateaubriand pizza here yet? My guests are hungry. This is unacceptable.

Muffy
I’ll see what’s keeping them, Binky. In the meantime, why don’t you and your little friends go on over to the arcade and see if you can win some prizes?

Binky
Very well, but make sure that management is aware that there should be plenty of tokens stocked up for us in the machines, and make sure that they can make change for a hundred.

Muffy
I’ll be sure to do that. One thing though, Binky. If you and your friends decide to dive into the ball pit, please make sure not to rip your tuxedo pants; that would be most embarrassing.

Binky
Certainly, Mother.

Scene 7. Interior. The Arcade Area of Lucky B’s. Somebody is dressed up like the LUCKY B MASCOT, shaking hands and trying to mix with the kids. The children, while well-behaved, are not particularly receptive to the Lucky B Mascot. FRANCINE, age 13, attempts to play the SKEE-BALL. She rolls the ball forward, but instead of scoring, the ball rolls into the pit. She is visibly upset.

Francine
Odds Bodkins! I missed.

LUCKY B is oblivious to this and begins clapping happily.

Lucky B
YAAAAYYY!! Great Job! You can do it!

Francine
Are you blind!? I missed! Your skee-ball machine must be defective. I want another turn!

JACKSON, a well-dressed black boy, age 13, approaches them. He speaks like an ‘80s preppy college student.

Jackson
I say, Francine, is something amiss?

Francine
Yes, Jackson, it is. My skee-ball rolled into the pit and I didn’t win any tickets. I think this machine is defective, and I demand nine more balls.

Jackson
Why stop at nine, Francine? I’m sure Busy B here could make that happen for you, couldn’t you, Busy B?

Busy B stands there quietly and shrugs.

Francine
What do you mean, you don’t know, you silly harlequin? I’ll have you know that I’m a personal home girl to the “Just Because” boy!

Jackson
She’s correct, you know. Perhaps it would be wise to accommodate your clients like a good servant should.

Binky approaches.

Binky
I say, what is all the commotion here?

Jackson
It would appear that your home girl, Francine, has been gypped out of her winning tickets at the skee-ball machine.

Binky
I say, is that true, Francine?

Francine
I’m afraid it is.

Binky
Well, that’s easily taken care of. You there, Busy B, put an Out of Order sign on this machine at once and give her some free tokens…Just Because.

Francine
Oh Binky, I love it when you conversate with authority.

At this point, Hot Toddy, Sherry, J.D. and V.O. show up armed with gas cannisters, but the children pay no attention to them.

Binky
Well what are you waiting for, Busy B? Start living up to your name and Get Busy!

Hot Toddy
Young fellow, I’m afraid that Busy B is pre-occupied.

Binky
Pre-Occupied? I’m going to rip that silly Bee’s head off of that minimum wage employee if he doesn’t comply with my wishes immediately!

Hot Toddy
I’ll save you the trouble, kid. Go ahead Busy B! Take it off before the kid does.

Busy B removes the mask to reveal PBR!

Binky
Now are you going to replace my home girl’s tokens, or not?

PBR
No, as a matter of fact, I ain’t!

Francine
I must say, your grammar is atrocious.

Binky
Perhaps if he’d studied more in English class, he’d know the proper way to conversate.

Hot Toddy
Well I’m afraid poor PBR here didn’t finish school, but I did. In fact I’m a college graduate.

Binky
So you attended university, did you? Then perhaps you should educate your friend on proper manners and behavior whenever he’s around the privileged class like myself, and Jackson and Francine here.

Hot Toddy
Actually, in a moment, I’m going to educate you and your friends here.

Binky
Me and my homies? What could you possibly educate us on?

Francine
Binky, I don’t like this hooligan. Make him go away.

Binky
Of course. MUFFY! MUFFY! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

Hot Toddy
Well while we’re waiting, I feel it is my duty to inform you good young people, that this is a stickup! My bouncers and I are going to rob everybody here! So hand over your watch, your money belt, and any other valuables you may be carrying.

Muffy enters with the photographer and the reporter.

Muffy
Binky, darling, I told you to address me as “Mother” when we are in public.

Francine
Muffy, this ruffian is threatening to rob us.

Jackson
It’s true, Muffy. Dare I say, it will not look good in the society pages if word gets out that this hooligan robbed us of all our belongings at a Just Because party thrown by you for Binky. Worse yet, your ex-husband on the other coast threw a smashing party for Binky that his friends on the other coast enjoyed immensely without any disturbances from thuggish hooligans such as these. I suggest you do something about this immediately, or I’m afraid I’ll have to take this issue up with my father, the senator.

Muffy turns to address the Todster.

Muffy
I recognize you from the Top Hat last year! You may have ruined a New Year’s Eve party, but you won’t ruin the Just Because party I’m throwing for my precious Binky!

Binky
Muffy---Mother, if we’re going to be robbed, the least you could have done was arrange it so somebody more appealing to the eyes could have robbed us. Where are the Catwoman and the Sea Hag when you need them?

PBR
I’m getting’ impatient, Boss.

Hot Toddy
I apologize, PBR. Okay, enough of this lollygagging! Start putting all your valuables into these sacks! NOW! And as for you, Binky, come here. And you two as well.

Jackson, Francine, and Binky all approach him.

Binky
What is it, you hooligan?

Hot Toddy
Remember how I promised to educate you? Well, how would the three of you like to get a little preview of what it’s like to go to college?

Francine
I always knew a college boy would be for me.

Jackson
I think we’re mature enough.

Binky
Very well, get on with it.

Hot Toddy
Let’s show’em, Sherry!

Hot Toddy and Sherry gas the three kids with the hangover gas, making them all woozy and nauseous so that they can barely stand up.

Jackson
Dare I say it, I think I’m going to be ill.

Francine
I haven’t felt this sick since I watched that Japanese anime cartoon when I was a kid.

Binky
You vile lowlife! What have you done to us?

Hot Toddy
Get used to it, kid! If you plan to go to college, this will be the first of many hangovers that you’re going to feel after a night of wild parties…

Binky
Why are you doing this to us?

Sherry
Just Because!

They laugh raucously, but so does Francine despite being sick.

Francine
(laughing)
I must say, that was rather clever and amusing, even if it does make me nauseous. Tell me, are you any relation to the Joker?

Muffy angrily approaches them.

Muffy
All right, you got all of our money and jewels and tokens, and everything! Now what do you intend on doing with us!?

Hot Toddy indicates for her to follow him over to the ball pit.

Hot Toddy
Ms. Aynesworth, you’ve had a rough afternoon; you’re very tense. I think you should loosen up by jumping into the ball pit.

Muffy
(indignant)
I’ll do no such thing! Are you crazy!?

Hot Toddy
It’s either that, or you’re going to suffer that same hangover that your son and his friends are feeling; his first of many!

Muffy looks sympathetically at Binky, Francine, and Jackson, back to the ball pit, and back to the Todster.

Hot Toddy
Muffy. DIVE!

She sighs resignedly, removes her expensive shoes, and prepares to jump into the ball pit.

Photographer
Hey wait a minute! This’ll make a great shot! Ms. Aynesworth: look at the camera, really angry and upset.

She glares at him. He runs over to her and raises her arms like she’s preparing to jump off the high dive.

Photographer
Wait a minute, hold that pose. I’m gonna get this from a coupla’ different angles.

While the photographer takes several pictures, the reporter speaks.

Reporter
So, tell us, MS. Aynesworth, would you say that your “Just Because” party for your dear little son Binky, was a smashing success, or not? Do you think he had a better time at the soiree that your EX-husband threw for him?

Muffy
(disgusted)
Can I just dive into the balls now?

Hot Toddy
Ms. Aynesworth, nothing would make me happier right now!

Muffy jumps into the ball pit. The reporter and the photographer run over to Binky and his two friends.

Photographer
Hey there, Master Aynesworth! Look up here.
A nauseous Binky looks up to see the FLASHING LIGHTS of the CAMERA! All three kids groan in disapproval.

Reporter
So tell us, Master Aynesworth, how does your first hangover feel? Do you look forward to several more in college?

Photographer
What’s your opinion on the fair market value of skee-balls?

While all of this is occurring, the bouncers get together.

J.D.
We got it all, Boss!

V.O.
That’s right. Come on, Boss, let’s go!

Hot Toddy
Not yet. Busy B’s now serves adult beverages in addition to their kiddie fare. Let’s all have a drink to celebrate…on the house.

They all laugh raucously and head for the bar.

Batspin. Scene 8. Interior of Commissioner Gordon’s Office. Both Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara are present.

O’Hara
Aye Commissioner, I don’t know what this world is coming to. When a group of wealthy rich kids can’t even have a fun afternoon to celebrate for no particular occasion other than Just Because...’tis a dark day indeed for the wealthy restaurant patrons of Gotham City.

Gordon
Indeed it is, Chief O’Hara. And worse yet, Batman and Robin are nowhere to be found. I just don’t understand it. They don’t pick up the phone; they don’t call us; they haven’t been seen anywhere. I hate to admit it, Chief O’Hara, but I fear that something dreadful has befallen the Caped Crusaders.

O’Hara
Oh Commissioner, let’s not even begin to start to thinking that way. I’m sure they’ll turn up. Perhaps they needed some time off.

Gordon
But that doesn’t make any sense. How could they even think of taking off at a time like this? When a fiend like the Todster is on the loose, robbing restaurants and upsetting innocent children’s Just Because Parties…Chief O’Hara, it just isn’t right.

O’Hara
Commissioner, they wouldn’t abandon us; it just isn’t in them.

Gordon
Nonetheless Chief O’Hara, I’m sorry to say, that this time, we’re on our own. I want you to have all of your men posted at every fine dining establishment in town. If that bartending villain dares to try to rob one more Gotham City Restaurant, we’ll be there to nab him and group of bouncers once and for all!

O’Hara
Wait a minute, Commissioner! I have an idea!

Gordon
You do?

O’Hara
Remember how that abominable hangover gas affected everyone but me when we went Racker’s Island?

Gordon
How could I forget? If it hadn’t been for your grandmother’s tonic, I’d probably still be suffering from that awful hangover.

O’Hara
Then let me be the one to go and bring this gang of bouncers in! They won’t be able to put one over one me, because I’m immune to it.

Gordon
A brilliant idea, Chief O’Hara!

The Bat Phone starts BEEPING. They look at each other and smile.

O’Hara
Saints Presarve us! I knew they wouldn’t abandon us.

Both approach the Bat Phone. Commissioner Gordon answers it which leads to an intercut phone call between Commissioner Gordon’s office and the Interior of the Bat Cave, where Batman is on the phone and Robin is at the Bat Computer.

Gordon
Good to hear from you, Batman! Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick about the two of you!

Batman
In the field of crime fighting, Commissioner, drastic measures must often be taken. Since the Todster tried to dispense with us, Robin and I felt it best to make sure that he believed that he was successful in his endeavors. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that Robin and I had to completely drop out of sight in order to make the illusion convincing. Our efforts seem to have worked a bit too well.

Gordon
Well, I suppose it makes no difference. As long as the two of you are alive and well, that vile bartender doesn’t stand a chance.

Batman
Evil Bartending Genius, Commissioner.

Gordon
Yes, of course. So tell me, Batman, what made you decide to come out of hiding now?

Batman
After seeing those pictures in the Gotham Gazette Society pages and reading about how he ruined a Just Because Party for those poor unfortunate rich children, Robin and I felt that the Todster had sunk about as low as he could go. Hence he must be planning one final crime before he skips town. Now would be the best time to nab that villain once and for all.

Gordon
I couldn’t agree more, Batman, but what do you think he’s going to do?

Batman
Robin and I have been trying to figure that one out ourselves. We’re still trying to figure it out, but we just wanted you to know that we’re still on the job. Nonetheless, we’re still keeping a low profile, so be sure to let Chief O’Hara know to keep up the illusion of our demise.

Gordon
Understood, Caped Crusader! In the meantime, Chief O’Hara and his men will be keeping a lookout for any suspicious activities at the area restaurants.

Batman
Preparation is always a key to attaining one's goals, Commissioner. We'll be in touch.

Scene 9. Batman hangs up and now the scene plays out in the interior of the Bat Cave.

Robin
Whenever I think about those poor kids suffering from a hangover, I just wanna’ take that villain and throw him in the slammer myself!

Robin pounds his fist into his glove.

Batman
Your anger is understandable, Old Chum. However, we must not allow our emotions to get the better of us. If we’re to defeat this evil bartending genius, then we must try to think two steps ahead of him.

Robin
Gosh yes, Batman. Any ideas?

Batman
Think about it for a moment. A fiend like the Todster, would have instant access to all of the P L U codes at all of the Gotham City Restaurants.

Robin
P L U Codes? You mean those computer files that all the restaurants use to manage their receipts for the day’s business and then deposit them into their business accounts at the local banks.

Batman
Correct, Old Chum.

Robin
Holy Massive Crimewave! He’s gonna’ use a computer to funnel all of Gotham City’s restaurant receipts into his own secret bank account!

Batman
Thus causing a major breakdown at all of Gotham City’s fine dining establishments and forcing all restaurant owners to their knees.

Robin
Holy Diner’s Club! How do we stop him before he strikes!?

Batman
We’ll have to keep an eye on the bat computer, Robin. We can set it so that it will allow us to monitor all suspicious activity that goes on with the day’s receipts for all the Gotham City restaurants. Once that fiend strikes, we’ll be able to trace it back to his hideout and put an end to his vile schemes once and for all. To the batmobile, Old Chum. There’s not a moment to lose!

Batspin. Scene 10. Interior of the Top Hat Restaurant. The Todster and Sherry approach the Head Security Guard who was friendly with them on New Year’s Eve.

Hot Toddy
Hello. Remember us?

Head Security Guard
No, I can’t say that I do.

Hot Toddy
We’re your friends. We were the nice people that kept buying you and your staff those free drinks on New Year’s Eve.

Head Security Guard
Sorry Pal, but I can’t say I remember too much about New Year’s Eve, except that I got a demotion.

Hot Toddy
A demotion? I’m sorry to hear that.

Head Security Guard
The restaurant owner said that I was negligent in my duties, and I shouldn’t have been partying on New Year’s Eve with the guests.

Hot Toddy
Well honestly, I just feel so guilty about this, since I’m the one who kept springing for the drinks.

Head Security Guard
Forget about it, Pal. I’m responsible for my own actions.

Hot Toddy
Now who told you that? Sherry, I think we owe this man.

Sherry
Tell us, Sir, how can we make it up to you?

Head Security Guard
Well, you could go down and explain to my boss that it was you two what kept buying me and the other guards drinks.

Hot Toddy
My lovely assistant here is much better at such things than I am. Tell me, is the Top Hat owner still here?

Head Security Guard
Yeah. He’s out front.

Hot Toddy
Well then that settles it. I tell you what: why don’t you take Sherry over to meet your boss so she can explain everything to him?

Head Security Guard
I can’t, Mister. Somebody’s gotta’ stay here and guard the Top Hat computer system. It’s connected to all the other restaurant computers in Gotham City. If the wrong person got in here, why, he could mess up all the P L U codes and drain them into his own bank account if he had the mind to.

Hot Toddy
I’ll be happy to guard the computers for you while Sherry goes with you to explain everything to your boss.

Head Security Guard
Gee Mister, you’d do that for me?

Hot Toddy
I’d be delighted. Just leave me your keys and show me which one gives me access to the P L U codes on the computer so that I’ll know to take extra special care guarding that particular key.

Head Security Guard
Nuttin’ doin’, Mister. If you messed with the computer and used the key to steal all the money from the day’s receipts in all the restaurants in Gotham City, I’d be fired for sure.

Hot Toddy
Perhaps, but come now, do I look like some type of an evil genius?

He and Sherry laugh, and the guard eventually does too.

Head Security Guard
Yeah, I guess you’re right. Come to think of it, I do kinda’ remember you now. You’re no evil genius! You’re just a bartender.

The Todster flinches angrily at this, but Sherry shakes her head and silently says “No” to remind him to control himself, which he does.

Sherry
Come on you big handsome security guard. Give my friend those keys so you and I can go have a chat with your boss, among other things.

The guard takes out A RING FULL OF KEYS FROM HIS BELT and hands them over to the Todster. The guard separates TWO PARTICULAR KEYS from the bunch and holds them up.

Head Security Guard
Oh okay…yeah. Here ya’ go, Mister. Take these keys here. This one opens the door to the security closet, and this funny-lookin’ one here gives you access to all the restaurant computers in Gotham City.

The Todster smiles sweetly at them.

Sherry
Let’s go, Handsome. We have to see to it that you get repositioned here at the Top Hat.

Head Security Guard
Gee thanks, lady. Yeah okay, let’s go see the boss.

Hot Toddy watches them as they walk away, and then his sweet smile turns into an angry sneer as he opens the door with the first key to reveal the COMPUTER HIDDEN BEHIND THE DOOR. He then takes the computer access key and turns it to the right, and then he presses a SERIES OF BUTTONS WHICH CAUSES THE BOARD TO LIGHT UP, ACCOMPANIED BY A SERIES OF BEEPING NOISES.

Hot Toddy
Ha HAAAAA! The crime of the century!

Scene 11. Exterior of Gotham City as Batman and Robin drive around in the batmobile. The bat computer BEEPS LOUDLY.

Robin
Holy Light Up The Night! It looks like the Todster’s making his move this very instant!

Batman
Keep your eye on the Bat Hideout Locator Robin; it should lead us straight to the Todster’s lair.

Robin
Holy Rotating Restaurant! It’s leading us right to the old abandoned Stofer’s Top of the Tower Rotating Restaurant on the roof of the Gotham Crown Hotel. Why that's just across the street from the Top Hat Restaurant! No wonder the Todster and his bouncers were able to make such a quick getaway!

Batman
Ingenius, Robin. Even though the hotel is still in use, the management chose to open its own restaurant on the first floor to give easier access to vendors. It’s only fitting that that fiend would make use of a once-popular fine dining spot to forge his nefarious plots.

Robin
Let’s hop on the elevator and take it straight to the top! Then we’ll bring the Todster and his bouncers DOWN FAST!

Batman
Better to use the batarang and climb to the top, Robin. If any of the hotel guests or employees happen to see us, it may draw attention to ourselves that we don’t want, thus eliminating the element of surprise necessary to bring the Todster to justice.
Robin
Gosh yes, Batman. It’ll be much safer to scale the building and surprise them by jumping through an open window.

Batspin. Scene 12. Interior of the Top Hat Restaurant. The Head Security Guard and Sherry return to greet the Todster. The computer closet is now locked up. The Head Security Guard has lipstick all over his face.

Head Security Guard
Jeepers, Lady. We forgot to go talk to my boss and explain what happened the other night.

Sherry
Yeah, but it was much more enjoyable when it was just the two of us, wouldn’t ya’ say?

Head Security Guard
Well yeah, I guess so. Maybe next time you’re here, maybe then you could talk to the boss for me.

Sherry
Yeah, okay…uh huh…I’ll get right on that next time.

Head Security Guard
Hey Buddy, thanks for guarding that computer for me. I hope nobody gave you any trouble.

Hot Toddy
Everything went exactly according to plan. Here are your keys back. If your boss says anything to you, just let this be our little secret---he never has to know.

Head Security Guard
Gee Thanks, you got it, Pal! Maybe I’ll see you both around sometime.

Hot Toddy
Let’s go, Mon Sherry. We have business elsewhere.

Batspin. Scene 13. Exterior of the Gotham Crown Hotel. Robin leads the way up followed by Batman as they climb the building, securely holding onto the bat rope.
Robin
Funny thing, Batman. This whole adventure of dealing with restaurants is making me hungry.

Batman
A healthy meal consisting of the basic food groups is necessary for a crime fighter to be effective, Robin. As soon as we can eat, it would be a good idea to get some protein, along with plenty of fruits and vegetables.

A window opens up and Dwight Schrute (actor Rainn Wilson) pops his head out.

Dwight Schrute
Batman! Robin! I was wondering if I would get to meet the two of you when I planned this trip to Gotham City.

Batman
Oh hello, Dwight. What brings you to Gotham City?

Dwight Schrute
Dunder-Mifflin is opening up a new Gotham City branch to serve all of your paper needs. Can I interest you in purchasing some paper this evening?

Batman
I’m sure that Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara could use your services. The Gotham City Police Department always has plenty of paperwork for its officers; I’m sure your role as manager of Dunder-Mifflin would be very helpful to them. When you call on them tomorrow, be sure to let them know that we sent you.

Dwight Schrute
Well thank you, Batman, I appreciate that. How about you, Boy Wonder? Do you need any paper this evening?

Robin
Actually Mr. Schrute, I could use a good meal more than anything else.

Dwight Schrute
Ahhh, I have just the thing for you. Whenever you’re done with your business of climbing up the side of this building, stop by my hotel room. I’m in room 716. I have some fresh beets from Schrute Farms just waiting for you to take them back to the bat cave.

Robin
Holy farm fresh vegetables! We’ll be sure to stop by.

Dwight Schrute
Wonderful. I’ll look forward to seeing you both in a little while.

Dwight Schrute closes the window and the Caped Crusaders continue climbing.

Robin
Golly Gee Whiz, Mr. Schrute sure is a nice guy.

Scene 14. Interior of the Todster’s rooftop restaurant hideout. They are all celebrating their victory with NOISEMAKERS, CONFETTI AND CHAMPAGNE

VO
This is great, Boss!

J.D.
A toast, to the evil bartending genius, our friend, HOT TODDY!

They all raise their glasses happily.

PBR
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

Hot Toddy
Actually, YES, it should. I've been thinking about what you said earlier, and I have reconsidered: it actually IS time for all of us to retire. Now that we’ve done away with the Caped Crusaders and gotten all this money from our evil schemes, I could never top myself ever again! I don't want that kind of pressure; it’s time to get out of this miserable city once and for all, and go our separate ways. You’ve all been wonderful bouncers, but yes, it is time for us all to retire to wherever we wish and live out the remainder of our days in peace.

PBR
I love you Man!

J.D.
I’m gonna go to Kentucky and buy me a farm.

V.O.
I’m gonna’ go to Russia and live on the French Riviera. What about you, PBR?

PBR
I’m gonna’ head for the mountains!

Sherry
I’m gonna invest in a Broadway show and be a famous producer!

J.D.
Hey Boss, what about you? What’re you gonna’ do with your share of the money?

At this point, Batman and Robin discreetly climb through the window, but only PBR can see them. He is speechless and nervously pointing at them, but since PBR is the only one facing the Dynamic Duo, the others are unconcerned.

Hot Toddy
What am I gonna’do with my share of the money? Well, first of all, let me tell you what I’m not going to do: I am not going to pay off my student loans! My college education never got me anything more than a massive debt. Since I was never able to use my degree because employers only wanted people with education AND experience, I figure the university OWES ME! BIG TIME! Bouncers, I may be an evil genius, but I am an evil bartending genius. Bartending: it’s what I do, it’s who I am! SO…I think I’m gonna’ retire to a tropical island paradise. I want to experiment and come up with some new drink recipes.

When Batman speaks, he startles the villains who immediately turn around, stunned to face the Dynamic Duo!

Batman
You’ll have plenty of time to think up new drink recipes where you’re going, Todster!

Robin
Behind BARS!

Robin slams his fist into his glove!

Hot Toddy
This is impossible! You’re---you’re---you’re supposed to be buried under a ton of rocks!

Batman
Todster, you should never underestimate the ability of a crime fighter to get his rocks off!

Robin
You’re going down! Right now! All of you!

Hot Toddy
Bouncers! Get’em! Get’em or it’s LAST CALL!

The bat fight begins. The Todster and his three bouncers attack the Dynamic Duo, but after a few minutes of BIFFS, POWS, SMACKS, and KA-BAMS!, the Todster and his bouncers are defeated by the Dynamic Duo. Batman approaches the Todster with the BAT CUFFS.

Batman
You don’t have to go home---

Robin
---But you can’t stay here! You’re going straight to jail! Whaddya’ have to say for yourself?

The Todster sadly sighs.

Hot Toddy
Closing Time…I know where I want to be…it’s…closing time…

Cut to commercials.

Scene 15. Interior of stately Wayne Manor in the parlor, where Bruce and Dick and Aunt Harriet sit relaxing.

Aunt Harriet
I’m sorry you boys missed out on dinner at the Top Hat on New Year’s Eve. It was a fun time, despite those hooligans that stole our money and caused a big commotion. Thankfully Batman and Robin got all of our money back from that criminal and his bouncers.

Dick
It’s a good thing they did, Aunt Harriet. In fact, I hear that Batman and Robin actually were able to return everything, including the money that the restaurants almost lost to the Todster’s computer scheme.


Bruce
Speaking of fine dining, I wonder what Alfred has prepared for us this evening.

Alfred enters the parlor.

Alfred
Master Bruce, Master Dick, and Mrs. Cooper. I am pleased to say that I dusted off my great Aunt Edna’s recipe book, and I found several wonderful recipes that called for farm fresh beets. Dinner is served.

All chuckle happily as the end credits roll.

[elmrgraham]

Holy Excellent! Outstanding Job.

[Gleeps, it's Batman]

Thanks for another entertaining story! Love the clever little items throughout, and I can hear the characters' voices as I read. Good job!

[Bat-Tiger]

Good job, I could picture this on tv. Did I miss it, or did you name a guest star for Hot Toddy?

[Gorshin Romero]

Thanks Everybody for you kind words. You encourage me to continue my writing and I truly do appreciate any and all comments.

elmgraham: I assume you noticed my reference to the Sea Hag during the robbery at Lucky B's! I did that one with you in mind, my friend.

Gleeps, it's Batman: The fact that you yourself can hear the characters' voices while reading my script is quite a compliment, thank you.

Bat-Tiger: I appreciate your comment as well. Yes, up at the top of parts one and two I suggested that Steve Buscemi would be my first choice to play the Todster aka "Hot Toddy" in this episode. Did you have somebody else in mind? I"d be be curious to know which actor you would have chosen. I might also ask everybody else here if they had any actor in mind to play Hot Toddy had he been a villain during the original run. NOTE: We did this for "Cactus Kleinschmidt's Cosmic Casino" and several actors were mentioned, but I now feel that Horst Bucholz would be my first choice followed by Klaus Kinski had my story been broadcast during the original run. Thanks to chrisbcritter for that suggestion!

I always enjoy hearing from my friends on the Bat Board! Have a great weekend!

[elmrgraham]

Happy Easter.

[elmrgraham]

By the way,thank you for The Sea Hag reference.When are you going to feature her as a Guest Villainess?Just curious.

[Bat-Tiger]

Bat-Tiger: I appreciate your comment as well. Yes, up at the top of parts one and two I suggested that Steve Buscemi would be my first choice to play the Todster aka "Hot Toddy" in this episode. Did you have somebody else in mind? I"d be be curious to know which actor you would have chosen. I might also ask everybody else here if they had any actor in mind to play Hot Toddy had he been a villain during the original run.

As far as current actors go, I don't think you could top Steve Buscemi.

Now for the original run, what about Paul Newman?

[elmrgraham]

I still that Pamela Anderson would be excellent as The Sea Hag.I agree with Bat-Tiger on Steve Buscemi.

[chrisbcritter]

So I finally sat down and read through both parts - pretty good story!That said, however:
"Joey! Ta Ta!" (Groooaaannn...)
"Muffy! Dive!"
But seriously. The 1966-era Hot Toddy? Bobby Darin. He hadn't had a hit or major movie role in a while and was doing some TV; I think he would have had the right cocky personality for the role. And maybe just as a lark, he could have convinced his wife Sandra Dee to play Sherry? If she wouldn't, a choice out of left field: Jackie DeShannon. She could act as well as sing, especially when she stole the show playing motormouthed hooker Carrie Lane in the rarely seen but pretty "good/bad" 1966 melodrama Intimacy.
What do you think?

[Gorshin Romero]

elmgraham: Thank you and Happy Easter to you as well. I'm trying to come up with a decent story for the Sea Hag, but Pamela Anderson never grabbed me as being intelligent enough. That said, I'm picturing Charleze Theron in the role. What do you think?

Chrisbcritter: A-HA! So you caught my references to Joey Tata and Muffy! DIVE!" I'm actually laughing right now picturing Michael Rennie's response to BOTH! As for Joey, believe it or not the character's original name was Jade, but after reading the other thread on here about making funny references to people's names, I HAD to change her name to Joey so I could work in that joke! I'm surprised you didn't groan at Robin's line that Hot Toddy was going to have to think up his new drink recipes "Behind BARS!" In all modesty, THAT LINE definitely deserves a groan! I'm glad you liked the story. That said, perhaps Bobby Darin would have worked originally with Sandra Dee as Sherry. He definitely would have had that cockiness that the Todster possesses. That would have been interesting to see. Bat-Tiger suggested Paul Newman, and he was definitely much younger back then, so he would been interesting to see in his pre Cool Hand Luke days. I'll make another suggestion: Frankie Avalon. He, Newman, and Darin would be interesting choices, and I'm sure that any of them would have brought their own style to the character. Ironically, none of those guys is anything like Steve Buscemi. Let's face it, as talented as Steve Buscemi is, he does not have the heartthrob looks of Paul Newman, Bobby Darin, or Frankie Avalon. If I were to choose a less handsome 1960s version, dressed up like a T.G.I. Fridays bartender, whom should it be? Alan Bates? George Kennedy? Peter Lorre? So far however, Bobby Darin DEFINITELY has the cockiness!

I eagerly look forward to hearing from the other members here. Have a great one!

[Gorshin Romero]

chrisbcritter: I'll have to watch Jackie DeShannon's performance; I've never seen her act before. That said, yes I do think it would have been interesting to pair up Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee as Hot Toddy and Sherry during the original run. Any ideas for J.D., V.O., and PBR? Yeah I know the henchmen were not always famous; maybe Joey Tata as J.D.? (grin)

[elmrgraham]

I think that Charleze Theron would also be excellent to play The Sea Hag.Again,Happy Easter.

[elmrgraham]

I would also suggest that your Batman Two Part story with The Sea Hag as Guest Villainess be titled"The Challenge of The Sea Hag" Parts 1 and 2.What do you think?

[elmrgraham]

I also have a suggestion for a Batman Guest Villainess.Her name would be The Bookwoman.Like her male counterpart,she would base her crimes on stolen book plots.Her costume would be like the Sixties Catwoman except that it would be red with a black book on the front and back.She would have Brown hair with Eyglasses to be used as a weapon.She would also use a gold magnyfying glass as a weapon.It would be worn around her neck.The Bookwoman would also wear an all purpose gold belt.She would also have sharp "Book Claws" to be used as weapons at end of her gloved hands.Sound good for a future Batman Adventure?